Thursday, 16 August 2012

Before and After Children

It is already over 2 months since I have been back at work - after a lovely years maternity leave.  Working in an office feels so alien to me these days.

BC (as in Before Children) I was pretty ambitious; not so phased about conforming with my 21 days annual leave; happy to travel for work; not so happy about working over time; had shelved my craftiness and hobbies; happy to wear a black suit and black shoes; happy to have a business-like get the idea.  I had worked hard to get to the level I was within the company and was fine with it.

That was all good and fine and great.  But, I never expected my year off with Ava to mess with my values so much!  I remember worrying that I was going to be bored within 2 weeks away from work - NOT!  I remember thinking it would be no problem to stick Ava in care while I went back to work 5 days a week - NOT!  6 months into my leave and I didn't really want to go back to work...and was already thinking that a 2nd ankle biter might not be such a bad idea after all.

Over 3 years I was off on maternity leave for 2 - with a 1 year return to work break in the middle.  There will be no more little people in this house.  Two little girls is enough for us 2 parents to handle thank you very much.  So, no more maternity leave to look foward to.  It makes me very sad to think that I won't experience that freedom again.

AC (as in After Children) I am still pretty ambitious (but in a very different way); very much bugged by conforming to my annual leave allowance (travelling to South Africa with 2 little people costs a bucket - and 3 weeks away just doesn't allow enough time to visit family any more); not that happy to travel for work (although would if needed); not happy about working over time (it means that Flower Daddy has to pick up the slack); have my fingers dipped into about 10 different crafts; hate black - shoes and clothes and want to live in shorts; use a backpack (can't carry Chloe and hold Ava's hand and keep a bag slung over my shoulder all at the same time); want to be involved in raising our girls - disciplining, being a role model and all that stuff - not leaving all of that to the nursery...the list goes on and on and on...I am also pretty darn bitter that most of my income goes to paying nursery to look after our girls.

On the upside, I do get 3 days break from the girls when I am at work.  But on the 2 home days, the 3 of us are just so exhausted.  The girls are clingly and grumpy and plain hard work.  So I get nothing done.  I have hardly been near my sewing space in the last 2 months.  Frustrating.

I.  Need.  To.  Craft.

For my own sanity!

But, I can't craft when by brain capacity is being abused.  No sooner do I get any where near my sewing table and the girls need me.  As in Chloe falls off or on to something, or they start fighting with each other, or they need snacks or drinks.  It was easy when there was just Ava to entertain, but add a very active Chloe to the mix and it is just too much of a hassle.  So, I just don't bother trying to sew or do anything crafty.  Frustrating.

But.  But, but, but, but, BUT!

I am on leave until the beginning of September!  YAY!  It's only 5 working days, but the girls will be at nursery for those 5 working days.  Which means that I can cut and sew and print and design to my hearts content.  Now I just have to survive the next few days until my first day of peace and quiet next week.  I am counting the sleeps.

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